Hi, whoever is reading this.

Well, we're well into senior year of high school. Things are pretty good. Here's some answers to unanswered questions from last post:
-No, i didn't find my iPod. (I officially have a bad taste for Germans.)
-No, my mom didn't freak out.
-I did talk to my principal about my PA for 1st hour but i can only get it if i get another class.

So, nowadays, my days are filled with wanting sleep, lots of homework, and wishing for the weekend. Alot of kids are dropping (have dropped) the AP Environmental Science class because it's too hard, which it is. I think its pretty advanced, but it's nothing that you can't do (if you work really hard and give up your social life :(.)  

I took senior pics last weekend, payed for graduation announcements, and cap and gown and I finally feel like a Senior. It's crazy; all 11 years of formal education have lead up to this, and it's pretty saddening. I really do enjoy school, and not just for social reasons. What i love most is the atmosphere: the smell of fresh Autumn air when school starts, the school related Clipart on Windows Word when you do school papers, the books, the air/ aura. That's what I'll miss most: the classic ideal of school. Im thinking of going to visit my elementary school soon, it was the most majestic building.

Alot of nostalgia going on nowadays. Today i started to listen to these old burned cd's from 2005-2006 or older. It was fun listening to the gangster rap/ hip-hop i used to. That was nice.

And my mom has been super sentimental about graduating and stuff. It's alot to take in.

Well, i'll leave it here. I cant find anymore to write, all of a sudden.

Let's meet again.

It's 1:46 AM and im really tired but cant sleep.

So, what has been going on since i last posted... in July?

Not a whole lot:

-Started Senior year of high school in August and was asked to be an Ambassador, a senior who helps Freshman.
My schedule looks like this (after numerous changes:)
1. STS Comosition 101 (Hoping to switch to a Partial Absence since i have way too many English credits, but my principal is a DICK!)
2. Algebra 2 (Teacher is the most depressed woman i have ever met.)
3. American Problems/ Criminology (Pretty OK class)
4.Weightlifting (Really? Timmy in weightlifting? don't make me laugh.)
5. Web Design/Computer Apps (Wow. i do almost nothing in this class)
6. AP Environmental Science (This class floods me in homework every night :()
7. Student Aide (Booooorrriiiinng...)
8. Ambassador Mon-Thur

For the most part, its an okay schedule. Except my principal won't give me a PA for 1st hour cause my "schedule is too easy." MY ASS. That AP class gives me hernias, Math in general is hard for me, and weightlifting does bad things to my hair. But my mom has a conferance call with him Monday so that SHOULD do the trick.

And having Weightllifiting in the middle of the day is torture. My hair looks good for the first 3 classes, then is ruined by sweat for the rest of the day, so those people see me soo ugly :(  Oh well, i'll live.

But honestly, school leaves me exhausted everyday after school. Right when i get home, i drink my smoothie, eat a crunchy bar, lie on the couch, then fall asleep til my mom gets home from work, then do homework. Every day. So much for senior year being your easiest.

But, i DID go to the Dir en grey concert in early September with my friend! My mom let me take her Jeep up to Denver, so i felt pretty good. But it was sooooo hot that day! We stopped at a Wendy's a block from the venue and we saw one of the guys from Apocalyptica getting food there hahaha. We got our food and went in line, which wasn't so bad since it was 3PM and the doors didnt open til 8:00. But as we ate our food, the blazing sun became unbearable, so we went back to the Wendy's where we parked the Jeep and ate there, then returned to the line with an umbrella we found in the car.

Well, we waited in line. Didn't really talk to many people. Made a trip across the street for a Gatorade. My friend was being a Debbie Downer so i was pretty bummed out (P.S. NEVER bringing a friend to a Diru concert again.)

Then we got in then ran straight to the pit. Got a spot on Die's right side. Good View. Evaline opened up, not horrible music, but the guys were at lest attractive.

Then Dir en grey came on.
Setlist:
Hageshisa to...
Obscure
Rotting Root
Gaika, Chinmoku Ga Nemuru Koro
Shokubeni
Agitated Screams of Maggots
Bugaboo
Reiketsu Nariseba
Dozing Green
The Final
Vinushka 
Rasetsukoku
Encore: Saku

The guys seemed okay. Die was energetic, Totchi was a bit less.

After the guys left, we booked it out of there, and made our way to the merch booth. I got the "Royal Crest" shirt, my friend bought the bracelet.

We decided to wait by the bus with a few fans. Missed Kaoru, Kyo, and Shinya.
Fans went and knocked on the door of the bus (o_0) and Die came out. Then the rest of them ran towards him and scared him back into the bus. Damn them. Waited a bit longer, Totchi and Nora walk by. He originally said NO to everything, then I whipped out my BASS AND DRUMS MOOK, and he said he would sign that ^_^
I was markerless...
Then a fan lent him the marker, and he signed the cover on his bass in black marker so you can't really see it.

So, we waited a few more minutes, socialized, then George came out to talk to us. The convo went like this:
"Hi. I am George."
*shakes hands*
I say "You're Shinya's drum tech, right?"
"Hai, Yes. So, uhh. The band. In the bus, all of them. Uhh... you pick who in there, yes? You can vote."
The fans thought "Ohh, we pick who we want out of the bus. 
I voted for Shinya, but majority ruled Die.
George went on:
"Die? You pick Die? Die. Uh.... *laughs nervously* Die- kun. Hai. Uh... KyoKaoruToshiyaShinyaDie?"
We all said, confused "Yeah, Die. Can he come out?"
George said, "Oh! No. Uhm, the band can't come out." Then he opened his hand and he had Die's picks.
All of us were like "OHHH! you meant Picks!"
More chuckles ensued. He gave three of them to fans.
Then we asked for hugs, which he agreed to with a laugh. Then some girl said, "You're hot" to George and he laughed and blushed a bit ^^
Then we said goodbye, and he went back into the bus, then me and my friend decided to leave.
He was patient and nice. I like George ^^

We walk back to the Wendy's we parked the Jeep. Guess what wasn't there?
Exactly.
I immediately start to cry. I already knew what happened. The Jeep was towed in Denver, where i know nothing about. We asked the very rude Wendy's employees and they told us nothing. So we called the towing company whose signs were posted where the Jeep was not parked.
"Yes we have your car. It'll cost $266 dollars to get it out. if you want it back tonight, you better hurry, we leave at 2:30."
$266!!?!?! For a towed car!!!??? I begged and pleaded the guy to let us have the Jeep
"Please, to God, Sir, we are 17 years old, on the most dangerous street in Denver! Have a heart!"
But to no avail.

Luckily, my friend has family members in Denver, so we waited for them to pick us up at 1:30 in the morning. They pick us up and they decide to pay to get the Jeep out. I said thank you so many times, and we drove to the tow place. We get there, and when my friend's uncle hands him the credit card, the asshole tow guy turns to me:
"what did i tell you!? I said only cash! You cant get your car!"
I was furious!
"WTF! you told me to come down with the "payment!" You never said anything about cash, asshole!!!!"
We left Jeepless. We stayed the night at their house.

The next morning, we go to a convenience store to change a check to cash, we drive to the tow place, then leave back for Pueblo. I thanked them again for the payment and promised to send a check once we get back into town.

So, that was the story of the Dir en grey concert, haha. Worst day of my life (kind of.)

Oh, did i also mention my iPod was stolen from school again? Yeah. During weightlifting. But i have high hopes of getting it back, cause i think i know who did it (Damn german exchange student) so cross your fingers and don't tell my mom (cause i havent yet ><)

Well, thats basically been it since last time.
Loads of fun.
Let's meet again.

 Well, summer has been in active for a month now. Just been chilling and relaxing, exercising. Just hanging out. Not much friend activity, due to lack of interest. Boring post, but its not like anyone reads this. Haha.

 >Friday- Got my iPod touch first generation stolen from school
>Friday afternoon- got on PC and learned that after a file switch, ALL of my music from iTunes and my Music file was gone. Commence crying like a baby.
>Friday night- Emailed Apple to see if i can be reimbursed for my purchases.
>Saturday- Moped and mourned the loss of my being and still no reply from Apple. More crying.
>Sunday morning- Reply from Apple saying i can re-download my purchases. Whilst downloading...
>Sunday afternoon- Mom surprised me with new iPod touch, 3rd generation.
>Sunday night- spent about 10 hours downloading, putting cd's songs and such onto my new iPod.
>Monday afternoon- Still wasn't done filling my iPod, but finished.
>Today- Pokey-Pod V is now up and running. Not too crazy about the yellowish tint that Apple purposely added to the new generation iPod for "warmer picture tones", but loving the storage from 8GB's to 32 GB's.

Also, finally exercising again. Missed it so much.

Okay, done.

 Summer is almost here. In a few months i will be a Senior in High School. And now that that time has come, the time of scholarships, college, adult life, i start to feel alone.

I think my main problem is my social life.
I do have one, but i  feel as though i am drifting away from my friends, or my friends are drifting away from me.
I dont feel we have anything we relate to anymore, and im oddly okay with that.

The thing is, i have two really good friends who i have known since seventh grade, and now, we have all changed.
The catch is, they kind of changed into the same person, while i have become someone completely different.
And im still okay with that.
Of course, i am happy of all the good times we have had together, but i think that it is coming to a dawn.

I don't like the way Friend A has changed; she has become very cold and bitter. It seems we totally don't connect anymore, and i feel like i have to force our friendship, which shouldnt be like that. 

Friend B, the one im closest to, is becoming a bit of a bane. She is a totaly hypocrite and has started to become very immature. Sometimes, i cant stomach her, while some days, i just want to be around her.

And i think now, that it is time to part ways; i will go on my own, while they go on together.
And im still okay with that.
I mean, lets be honest, i know for a fact that the only reason we're still friends is because if we weren't, we'd have no one.
Its sad but true; we stay friends not for true friendship, but for security.

The thing is, they do things im not too fond of. Friend B just does the things Friend A does, and im not down with that.
But then again, who am i to say what is wrong and right?
But i know for sure, i dont do those things because i have alot of respect for myself, and i do not look for excuses to be accepted or "cool".
Unfortunately, Friend B does. It's as if she needs to always be attached to something or someone. I am not like that at all; i can just let go of everything and be perfectly content.

A month ago, i told these friends, "When we go off to college, i want to start new. In a new place, with new people."
They caught my drift. They cared.
It makes me happy that they care for our friendship, but something is telling me to move on, forget about it.
And i think it'll be easy and painless for me.

Once, my mom said to me, " i know you don't do alot of the things your friends do, and i think it's because you know you are smarter than that. You have a good head on your shoulders, and you don't give into peer pressure."

I'll admit, im no saint. I have done these things my friends do, but the thing is: if i want to feel like i want to, confident and beautiful, i dont do these things. I believe that if i've done it, had my fun, and that's it. I just don't feel the need to anymore. 

Maybe its the fact that alot of kids my age are doing these things, thinking it's totally fine. But i feel as though, "were still kids, for god's sake. We Shouldn't/ dont need to do these things."

I think its because since i didn't have any siblings, and i didn't really have alot of friends when i was younger, and i was usually always around adults, i grew up way more mature than my peers, and i know what they are doing is stupid wrong.
Or the fact that my parents would kick my ass if i did the things other kids do, but fortunately, i know better than that, i was raised better than that.

Sometimes, i wonder if my friend's parents knew about these activities, if they would be okay with it. It seems that nowadays, parents just dont care. Fortunately, i have a mom who does.

But all this aside, i feel that once high school is over, i can become an adult, who can grow into someone who can be smarter than my peers. I wont need anyone to be my inspiration, or my influence. I can be my own person, and i know for a fact that i can do just fine all by myself.

I'll start new.
Whether it be something that will hurt my friends, i feel as though it is meant to be this way.
It may sound rude, but all i can think about is myself, i don't have a big enough heart to care about anyone else.
Maybe im just selfish, or im stupid because i dont do what other people do...

I think that's the reason i got my tattoo (the kanji "utsukushii"), so i have something to always look at, to remind me that all i can be is myself, and to always think higher of myself, and that i am a beautiful person.

And maybe that's why The Boy's are a big part of my life. I feel like their mission, besides "conveying sadness and sorrow", is to always have the knowledge that you can change yourself, no matter for what reason it is. You do have the power to control your life, and no one else can do it for you.

As Kyo said "Never settle for less." I feel this is what i am feeling; i will not succumb.

 It's been a while. Here's what's going on:

- Took the ACT. Think i did really good, aside from math (which i completely blew)
-Got a tattoo.
-Got Drummer Gloves

That's about it.
Im boring.

Bye.

Status of every Dir en grey song i've practiced on drums:

Key:
Mastered= Completely installed in my drum curriculum. Can play right on key, with the exception of a few tics.
Half/Half= Have played it, but could use some work.

Inconplete- Have not attempted/ Does not want to/ Lack of interest/ Cant do it.

ALPHABETICAL ORDER (off my iPod)


A

AGITATED SCREAMS OF MAGGOTS- Mastered. Ride messes me up a bit though.

ain't afraid to die- Mastered. Only played it a couple of times; not too hard of a song, but beautiful.

Amber- Incomplete. I've never been to interested in this song, anyway. Plus, every drum track on VULGAR sounds so... eh.

Ash- Mastered.


audience KILLER LOOP- Half/Half. Lack of interest, but have played. Almost all VULGAR songs are these.


Audrey- Half/Half.Have tried, but i just cant get the groove right in this one.

B
Beautiful Dirt-Half/Half. Numerous times i've attempted, but failed. This is an odd song to drum to, it really sounds like Shin- chan didn't come up with this pattern. It's too simple.

Berry. Mastered. Not a hard song. Just need alot of vigor.


Bottom of the death valley- Half/Half. Lack of interest. Too slow for my liking.

Bugaboo. Mastered, kinda. Got it down, but i could practice it some more.

C

C- Mastered. One of my favorites to drum to.

Cage- Mastered. One of the first Dir en grey songs i've ever played.

CHILD PREY- Mastered. Got it, but winds me everytime i play it.

Children- Mastered. Another one of my favorites to drum to. Has a great groove im down with.

CLEVER SLEAZOID- Technically, Mastered. I have it down, but i can clean it up a bit.

Conceived Sorrow- Half/Half. Have tried, but no enthusiasm for this song.

D
dead tree- Mastered. A few slips, but OK.

THE DEEPER VILENESS- Half/Half. Some parts keep messing me up, but i'll get it.


Diety-Incomplete. Double bass continuous for like 2 minutes= can't do XD

DISABLED COMPLEXES-Mastered. Not a hard one.

The Domestic Fucker Family- Mastered.


Doukoku to Sarinu- Mastered. I've almost got it, just need to clean it up.

DOZING GREEN- Mastered. The first Diru song i did from start to finish.


DRAIN AWAY- Incomplete. Just not my favorite Diru song. It's not very fun to drum to, either.

E
egnirys comredopyh +) An injection- Half/Half. Tried it, definitely needs work.


Embryo- Incomplete. Wow. I just cannot do this one. The hi- hat is way too complicated for me. It's really had for me to decipher what he is using in this song.

Erode- Mastered. My favorite of Missa, but i need to work on it more.


F
THE FATAL BELIEVER- Half/Half. A pretty fun one. Practice, and it'll be good.

FILTH- Mastered. A bit repetitive.


THE FINAL- Half/Half. I CAN do it, it just sounds like shit XD

G
Gaika, Chinmoku Ga Nemuru Koro- Mastered. Took a while, but I got it.

GARBAGE-Sorta- Mastered. This song has some odd measures in it. I could do it with some practice, but i just don't have the heart to.

Garden- Mastered.


Gauze -mode of adam- and -Mode of Eve-= Cant really drum to these haha


Glass Skin- Mastered. Most of it, i have down. Needs to be cleaned up.

Grief- Mastered.


H
Hades- Mastered.
Hydra- Incomplete. Like -666- much better.
HYDRA-666- Mastered. Love drumming to it, but bass drum gets me a bit confused. Reminds me of MK:DECEPTION haha.

I
I'll- Mastered. Not hard at all.

The IIID Empire- Half/Half. Want to finish this one. Snare pattern is tricky.
I
nconvenient Ideal- Mastered. Clean up necessary.

Increase Blue- Half/Half. Needs work, but fun to drum to.

J
JEALOUS reverse- No drum parts.
Jessica- Mastered. I love drumming to this song!
Jesus Christ Rn'R- Half/Half. Not too interested, but i can drum to it.

K
[KR] Cube- Mastered. 

L

Lie Buried With A Vengeance- Mastered. Kinda made it into my own, didn't really stay true to the song ;)

M
Macabre- Incomplete. Just haven't gotten around to practicing it.

Machiavellism- Mastered. A bit hard to keep up with, but can do it.

Marmalade Chainsaw- Somewhat Mastered. Certain parts need work.

Mask- Mastered. Love this song and the snare.

Mazohyst of Decadence- Mastered.

Merciless Cult- Half/Half. Get a bit slipped up on some parts.

Mr. Newsman- Mastered. Fun one to drum to.

N
New Age Culture- Mastered.

O
OBSCURE-Mastered. Became much easier since they plat alot live.

P
Pink Killer- Mastered. This song kicks my ass, nonetheless.
THE PLEDGE- Half/Half. Needs work.

R
R to the Core- Mastered. Double bass kills me though.

Raison Detre- Incomplete. Doing this song live, it may result in some short-handing, much like YAMO did on BLITZ 5 DAYS. Except idk how he did it live for the Osaka Jo Hall, but he was using electric drums.

Rasetsukoku- Mastered. Kills me.

Red Soil- Mastered. Tears and pain went into perfecting this song. I would not be content until i had it polished.

Rem...[em]- Incomplete. Much like alot of Vulgar songs, just dont wanna practice them.

Reiketsu Nariseba- Mastered. Because im left handed, i can't really do hi hat rolls, such like this song. but im working on it. Other than that, this song literally makes me winded, sweaty and sore after playing. Its awesome.

Repetition of Hatred- Mastered.


S
[S]- Mastered. My first thrill in opening/closing the hi- hat while hitting it.

Sa Bir- I have no congas to do this song haha.

Schwein no isu- Mastered. Wow, another first Diru practice song. Took me about a year to polish.

Shinsou- No drums.

Spilled Milk- Half/Half. Still working on it. Tom rolls hurt me.

Stuck Man- Mastered. A bit slippery with this one, but do-able.

T

Toguro- Mastered. First song i learned on Uroboros.

U
Ugly- Half/Half. I should work on this one.
Umbrella- Mastered. This song almost killed me to learn, also.
undecided (Glass Skin)- Mastered. Love drumming to this. I really feel the drums when i play, the emotion that belongs in this song, i feel.
Undecided- Incomplete. Never really bothered to drum to this one.

V
Vinushka- Mastered. Some parts i need to focus on.

W
Ware, Yami Tote...- Half/Half. Definitely need to work on this one. 

Z
ZOMBOID- Mastered. High energy, i love it.


JAPANESE TITLED SONGS ON MY iPOD:
24 Ko Cylinders- Incomplete.

304 Goushitsu, Hakushi no Sakura- Mastered.

Akuro no Oka- Mastered.

Kasumi- Half/Half.

Zakuro- Incomplete. Too slow for me.

Yurameki- Mastered.

Yokan- Mastered. Beautiful song to drum to.

Ryoujoku no Ame- Mastered. Took a while also.

Taiyou no Ao-Half/Half. Im trying so hard to learn this song. I need to practice my paradiddles. It's too beautiful to half- ass.

Kodoku ni Shisu, Yueni Kodoku.- Half/Half. Bit slippery.

Itoshisa Ha Fuhai Ni Tsuki- Incomplete. I love this song way too much to even try to learn it and mess it up. Another left hand dilemma.

Higeki wa Mabuta wa Oroshita Yasashiki Utsu- Mastered. Beautiful low drums in this.

Asunaki Kofuku, Koenake Asu- Mastered. One of the few Vulgar songs i like to drum to.

Saku- Half/Half. Need to work on Momentum for double bass, and stamina.

Zan REMAKE- Mastered. very a la Slipknot/ thrash drumming. Love it.

Zan- Mastered. Much more calm in this one.

Hageshisa to, Kono Mune no Naka de Karamitsuita Shakunetsu no Yami- Mastered. Took me forever to decipher this song and break it down, but finally got it this week :D I don't mean to toot my own horn, but, im damn good at this song.

Riyuu/Wake- Mastered. Another first to learn.

Sajo no Uta- Half/Half. Hard snare to keep up with.

Shinsou- No drums

Byou Shin- Mastered. Probably my all time favorite to drum to.

Myaku- Mastered.

Namamekashiki Ansoku, Tamerai no Hohoemi- Mastered. Hi hat work takes alot out of my arm, though.

Shinsou- No drums

Aoi Tsuki- Mastered. I think this may be the first Dir en grey song i learned.

Hotarubi- Incomplete. Not to eager to learn it, but a good song.

Tsumi to Batsu- Mastered. Took me a while to master. all of 2007?

Shokubeni- Mastered.

Gyakujou Tannou Keloid Milk- Mastered. Love drumming to this one.

Kiri to Mayu- Mastered.

Kigan- Mastered. Another first Diru song.

Karasu- Sorta- Mastered. I just need to some more breaking down, and i should have it.

Kodou- Half/Half. Damn Yamo and his amazing hi hat skills. My main problem in this song.

*phew*

So, I wanna talk about Shinya and his Drumming on each Album:

Gauze- He as still pretty young so he didn't really do a whole lot of unique things. Nonetheless, he's still very good. Schwein no isu is his highpoint, and Tsumi to Batsu.

Macabre- Definitely an evolution for Shinya. You can tell he started to do alot more complicated phrase, and really began to grow into himself. Rasetsukoku is his highpoint and Taiyou no Ao, he definitely went back to drum roots with his snare in this song, i adore him in this song.

Kisou- We finally see Shinya as a remarkable drummer; he really began to have a broader view on things he can do. He started to do mare variables, complicated phrases, and things no one else has heard anyone else do. This was Shinya's breakout as a significant drummer. Highpoints are Karasu, Pink Killer, and Embryo.

Vulgar- In my honest opinion, this is Shinya's lowest point of drumming. The drums are way too digitized, not really spotlighting his talents, and basically no heart of drums is in this album. Im not sure if he was scraping the bottom of the barrel, or maybe producers had some say in this, but this is not Shinya quality; quite a step down from Kisou. Highpoints are Marmalade Chainsaw, Kasumi, and Shokubeni.

Withering to death.- Light at the end of the tunnel, we see Shinya's true talent. Though still not as great as Kisou, he definitely stepped up his game and showed us what YAMO CHAN can do. WTD. is when Shinya started to develop his own "style" and charisma, but something about him, a fire inside him, that said "The best is yet to come." maybe the lag of creativity had something to do with the boys' ditching their Visual Kei get ups. Highpoints are Merciless Cult, Saku, Garbage, and Kodou. Also this is when we start to see Shinya's biggest specialty, his amazing work wit the hi- hats; we hear things that we didn't even know we could do and his great use of effect cymbals.

The Marrow of a Bone- When we think of TMOAB, we think "hard", "metal", and "westernized", which are all true. But in Shinya's case, of course we see his heavier side of drumming, we see the talent and the skill that goes with it. In this album, his speed, endurance, and even more creativeness are spotlighted. Not only skill in his drumming, but also his drum set. With this album, we see that Shinya is experimenting with other mediums: the Joey Jordison snare he used all through recording and lives, his gong bass drum on the right side of his kit, and TA-DA! The return of the infamous Roto-toms, mounted above his hi hats. Though we still are not seeing ALL of Shinya's skill, i believe this was his way of saying "this is just the tip of the iceberg." I mean, didn't they write most of this album on the tour bus? My guess is that he didn't use all the time to come up with more insane phrases, but gave us a sweet taste of what we can expect next. Highpoints are Grief, Ryoujoku no Ame, The Deeper Vileness, and CLEAVER SLEAZOID.

Uroboros- Alas, this is Shinya's highest point in drumming for Dir en grey; it is his magnum opus, and he even said so himself that this is the album that features all the Shinya has to offer. This is the album where we now start setting him apart from most, if not all, drummers and recognizing the absolute talent in him. This is the album where we all said "This Shinya now has a style all of his own when drumming." This album completely sets him apart from all drummers. The speed, the agility, the vigor, the creativeness, the whole kit and kaboodle. This album is SHINYA. And this is the album where he is no longer a "drummer", not to be lumped in with the knaves and the lesser, but is now dubbed a "percussionist", a title more than suitable for a guy who not only uses a multitude of his many sounds on his drum set, but we hear him playing congas, cajones, and other foreign percussion instruments. This album completely justifies that we all recognize the talent, even if we know nothing of drumming, we just know, he is god- tier. All songs are highpoints, but most specifically Vinushka, Red Soil, Doukoku to Sarinu, Reiketsu Nariseba, and Ware, Yami Tote.

Though with all of Shinya's successes and his many accomplishments, and mine where i, only just scratching the surface, where im just following in his footsteps, i can only hope that we, Shinya and i, keep having successes and to keep moving on, reaching new heights.

 Today, my mind went crazy.

I was laying on the couch, watching TV, and then a commercial came on for texting while driving.
And how the person died.

I thought to myself "What would happen if I were to just die right now?"

I started thinking of the TV shows i would miss.
I looked outside, and thought about all the trees and cars and houses.
I thought about leaving my mom all alone.
I thought about my friends and how we would never be able to have fun again.
The walls in my house...
The pictures on the walls...
The illustrations of the pictures on the walls...

I got this sickly feeling in my stomach, and i felt myself begin to worry and my heart began to race.
I almost started to cry, as if all this were happing in front of me.

Then, i just stopped...

This isn't the first time this has happened to me; thinking of the things i'll miss when im dead.
Usually at night, while in bed, lots and lots and loads of thoughts go through my head at once:
What will diru release next?
Will i be early to school tomorrow?
Why is YAMO using those horrible triggers?

And then death just creeps in.

Usually, im not a pessimist, on the contrary, i think im quite a happy teenager. I have really good friends, a good head on my shoulders, a sometimes excellent mom, inspiration, and good skin ^^, so why should i be unhappy?
Why do i think of the losses after death so often?

I guess the only conclusion i can come up with is just coming to realization that i AM getting older; developing into an adult; beginning a new chapter in life.

I mean, in only one year, ill be done with high school, the last puzzle piece of 12 years of formal education. Then i'll travel the world after graduation for a year, then apply for colleges.

Maybe it's the fact i have so much of my life mapped out already at a young age. 
Im usually not one to make a map of things; i hate organization and im no good at it, so why am i taking my soon-to-be life so seriously?

Was it because if the "Incident" in March?
Is it the "Incident" that happened when i was 12?

I cant tell you, and i really wish i had an answer.

I believe what im most scared of, of dying, is not having a presence anymore. Sure i'll be remembered by loved ones, but whats the point?

I think the only thing that will cure my instant sadness after thinking of death, is learning if i'll ever come back.

That is the answer i seek.

Ah, yes. the sun is shining, the children are playing, and the weather is beautiful.

But im bummed to go back to school tomorrow.
:(

Mostly due to the fact that I am the KING of procrastination, and im just doing my weeks worth of homework right now.

I need to finish my final for my English class, which i finished in January or February.
Its so sad.

But really, thats about all i have to do.

BUT I DONT WANNA!


Oh well, just gotta get it done and over with.

Maybe ill just play hooky tomorrow...
;)

 The other day, a friend of mine who wants to get into drumming and a fan of Dir en grey asks me: "Can you tell where yamo-chan uses his drums and cymbals? in which song and such?" So, i decided to give her "where & what" lesson of Shinya's drumset, and where he uses his equipment in songs. First, i made up this diagram on Microsoft Paint (dont throw things at me -_-)
Wow. this looks really bad. Anywhos, let me give you a key:
The black circles are the drums
The red circles/ blobs are his cymbals. 

*UPDATE* im adding this link for easier viewing of the diagram, so you dont have to scroll up and down:
i70.photobucket.com/albums/i119/What_color_is_love_17/dinkydrums.jpg

Btw, this is his most RECENT drum set, as of "Hageshisa to..." PV,  this would be ALOT better if i had my BASS and DRUMS book (Damn you ,HMV!)

Okay, lets start off with cymbals 1,2,3, which are nest to his auxiliary snare.
These are Splashes, in order,
1 is a Sabian HHX,
2 is a Radia Cup Chime,
and 3 is a B8 chinese splash

From my knowledge, all of the cymbals are used right at the beginning of "Ware, yami tote..." and also, he has removed his Ice Bell, which would be right above 1, which he uses continuously after Kyo says "with proof in the name of the living....", its a bell sound.
Also, he uses the Radia cup chime 2, in "Reiketsu Nariseba", Right before Kyo begins his vocal solo during the slow down/ acoustic part.
Other than these songs, he really doesnt use these cymbals a whole lot, usually for effects.

Now, on to his mounted tom and his auxiliary snare:
He uses the mounted Tom in "Grief", during the middle of the song, the "ouu, ouuouuouuouu" part.

He uses his auxiliary snare quite a little bit, most specifically in "Repetition of Hatred", during the beginning of the song and the chorus, also in "Clever Sleazoid", you hear a very loud "CRACK!" while Kyo is singing "koe mo danai kurai ni..."

Again, he uses the Mounted Tom very little, and for his aux. snare, he has changed the model quite a bit; it has been all of the Pearl Piccolo series, he's used the Sensitone, and after THE MARROW OF THE BONE, he used the Joey Jordison for the aux. snare. Right now, he is using the Copper version of the Pearl Piccolo.

Alright, onto cymbals 4, 8, 7, 6 and his Roto toms:
Cymbal 4 is a AAX Chinese mounted above his roto- toms. He recently uses this cymbal in "Shokubeni" during Kyo's vocal solo/ the sloed down part, but other than that, thats about it.

Cymbal 8 would be his Hi hats: a PRO top hat on top of a AA- metal- X bottom hat. Im not sure of his motives on why Shinya did this. Of course, he uses his hi hats in every song, so its pretty self- explanatory.

Cymbal 7 is a AAX O- zone splash. As you can see in recent pictures, he has these all over, but this splash is mounted all by itself. He uses this commonly, specifically in the end of "Glass Skin" right before his snare roll off that leads to the end of the song.

Cymbal 6 is a AAX O- zone crash. He uses this in almost every song, crashes are essential in every drum set. Usually after working his hi hats.

His Roto- toms are mounted above the O-zone crash. He is very well known for those roto- toms. He uses these quite commonly, specifically in "STUCK MAN", after Kyo saying "Fake god wake up and go to hell", you this "prthththththth". Thats would be the first roto tom, i like to describe it as a machine gun sound ^^. Also in "Hageshisa to..." he uses both of them during "The other side of death"

Now onto cymbals 5 and 9 and his Bass drums:
Cymbal 5 and 9 are both the exact same cymbal, AA-metal-X Chinese mounted above his toms, pretty high up there. As all Diru fans know, Shinya uses his right Chinese constantly, so he uses both of them to make it louder!

His bass drums are, of course, used all the time. He has a double pedal on his right bass drum, and a single pedal on the left one. He very rarely uses the left bass drum.

Toms are self explanatory, he uses them all the time, but favors the right tom ^^
Also is his snare, which is a Ultracast aluminum. He has used this all throughout Uroboros and currently. Before during TMOAB he used Joey Jordison signature snare.

Now, onto cymbals 10,11,12,13, and his floor tom:

Cymbal 10 is an AAX O- zone splash on top of a turned over AA- METAL- X splash. Again i dont know yamo chans motives as to why, but it is indeed different. He uses these pretty commonly also, mainly in "Glass Skin", before his snare roll in the end. I say this twice because he uses these and his splash under his hi hat one after the other at the end of "Glass Skin".  Also used in "reiketsu Nariseba" more specifically when Kyo says "with that sad little look on your face" you hear it right after he comes back from hitting his ride cymbal.

Cymbal 11 is another AAX O-zone crash, also used all the time.

Cymbal 12 is Signature Carmine Appice ride, used all the time. An example of him using the bell of this cymbal is in "ZAN remake", after "do not obey!"

Cymbal 13 is a AAX Chinese mounted high above the floor tom. This is a cymbal this isn't used very often. The only example i can come up with during "Reiketsu Nariseba" after Kyo's "you do it by protecting yourself" he uses a multitude of cymbals during his intense drum part in the end, including this one. Also before the refrain in "Hageshisa to,...".
His floor tom is another one that is no exception, used all the time.

Now, last but not least, his Gong Bass, Cymbals 14, 15, 16:
Gong Bass is also used rarely. I honestly dont know why Shinya has this, it takes up space and virtually useless. Examples would be during "Gaika, Chinmoku ga nemuru koro" he uses it in the toms rolls during "Devil in a midnight mass", also in "Dozing Green", during the first verse. Basically used during tom rolls and such.

Cymbal 14 is AA-METAL-X chinese, mounted between his floor tom and gong bass. A very commonly used cymbal, specifically in "LIE BURIED WITH A VENGENCE" before the first verse, and the beginning of "Dozing Green", and during "I dont even think of you as my friend" in "THE DEEPER VILENESS"

Cymbal 15 is another double set splashes. It is a AAX O-zone on top of a flipped over AA ROCKTAGON. Im not entirely sure when he uses this, but my guess is during the intense ending of "Reiketsu Nariseba"

Cymbal 16 is a Mike Portnoy, drummer of Dream Theatre, Max Stack, which is sold as two cymbals. I may be wrong, but i cant remember a time when Shinya uses these, because they are very hard not to hear. Dont be fooled by their splash size, they are very loud and aggresive.

WHEW! lets take a breather, my fingers hurt now ^_^

Well, i hope my friend gets a better idea of what is goin on with Yamo- chans drum set. Let me just say again, all these words are based on my knowledge and various drum diagrams of Shinya's drumset, but as for where i hear it, is my knowledge. Feel free to disagree. I also hope other people have fun with this, cause i had fun making this. Of course i dont mean to toot my own horn, but i know quite a bit about Shinya's drumset and drums as a whole. 

Hope you enjoyed this!
TImmy